Friday, 31 October 2014

The Labour Party in Scotland

Not since the Conservative Party in Canada in 1993 have I witnessed a single party fuck [and I mean fuck] up an easy situation. You had Scotland, and you went Bairist, and the SNP moved into the space you had just vacated.


They tell me jealousy is a sin, if so Lord, I am sinful! The Brazilian football club Corinthians have announced plans to open their own Cemetery, for fans, players and staff.

OMG, What I would give for a Falkirk FC Cemetery, you cannot believe! Jealous? Too fucking damn straight!

Thursday, 30 October 2014

Hear Me Round The World

I was quite disgusted to read in the Falkirk Herald, that because Falkirk FC had come into a bit of money because of the Connor McGrandles transfer, the head of the Falkirk Fans Federation [or whatever] wanted that money to be spent on the first team.

What? Are you an idiot, so you want to spend half a million on a player who may [or may not] score 25 goals a season, instead of promoting a player [from the youth team] who may or may not score 25 goals this season.

Your blinkered [success now, at all cost] thinking is why we went into administration in 1997, we have one of the best youth systems in Scotland, young players come to Falkirk because they know they have an easy route to the first team, because the club does not stand in their way of seeking their living down south], but YOU want to go back to having our team clogged up with oldsters playing out their last years.

If you want our club to go to the shit, then lets spend it on ageing shit, if not lets spend it on sellable players.

My Favourite Elision

I love elision [not because it sounds almost like the things from the Feilds d'Elysee] but I do. Elision is the merging og two sounds in to one, such as I am into Ah'm.

Yes, but I am now talking football. They are not from Stirling, they can kick ass when wanted. ......

My Favourite elision is when we do not pronounce the st twice in East Stirlingshire

Saturday, 25 October 2014

Poppy Fascism

I know this goes against the grain, I know people think [yawn], but it is the time of year again that everyone on TV is wearing a poppy, and it is unquestioned. I will never, ever, wear a poppy. Am I disrespecting those who lost their lives in wars? Of course not, I just don't have to show it on my lapel once a year.

But were I to be important enough to be on TV then God fuck me, I would have to wear it. But I could not. Haig was a butcher of his own men, and I could not wear anything in his name, his Byzantine ideas sent too many people to their deaths on the Western Front, and he got a gong out of it!

Unless you are having a giraffe.

Friday, 24 October 2014


I will not beat about the bush here, in my youth my musical tastes were not only all over the place, but quite often they were bad. Hey we all did it. I liked all manner of shit what was in the charts, I think it developed my Gaydio [I did like them Communards when I was too young to 'get' the subtext].

But I became a teenager with time, and I branched out into yer Heavy Metal, at first it was mainly yer Iron Maiden, but I quickly developed into a thrasher: shit Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax - I was all over it. And let me tell you I loved it, I can remember it clearly now, I was a pure greebo thrasher.

Then for some reason which I no longer remember [I highly suspect alcohol had something to do with my forgetfullness] I ended up at an indie disco at Coasters [not the one you all remember: the one which was held in the bar overlooking the skating rink [back me up on this, please]].

Before this my entire concept of indie was lah-di-dah girly bands [who I love now] and the fact that 'Monkey Gone to Heaven" was top of the indie charts for longer than ever on The Chart Show. That was it.

Anyway, that was that. I am in this place, listening to what I thought was dross [but was probably early Lush [shame on me], and on comes

I was flabbergasted, needless to say I came back the next week [probably in the same tastless Anthrax T-Shirt] and this time they played -

And, as they say, it just went downhill from then on .....

Sunday, 19 October 2014


Yeeeaahhh, today Nigeria will be officially ebola free according to the WHO, as there has been sixty days since the last reported case.

Well I say, thank the fucking lord, they must have got their questionnaires out quick style, to stop it so quickly. And you know I have the full faith in the British authorities [you know those who shook the hand of suspected carriers].

But that is just a bunch of scotch mist anyway, as we know that the Nigerian Government has so much control over their own territory that they would never let 276 of the girls in their state schools just be whisked away, seemingly without a chance of return.

Or maybe I am a cynic.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014


No, wait a minute, I may have been a complete and uttter spaz for the last few years, and I accept that, but I do not remember when having the address of one of Tony Blair's many households in your Versacci Glasses case, became a criminal offence.

No; you tossers, when a chap does something like this, you keep a very, very close eye on him, information in itself is not a crime. Otherwise let us all be damned!

Monday, 13 October 2014

Made up Numbers

So long as the neo-liberal economists are allowed to reign free, we will be enslaved. They tell us this goes up and that goes down, all the time with their made up numbers. Milton Friedman and Margaret Thatcher were a blight upon our collective consciousness, Milton Friedman was no economist [he was a polemicist] and Margaret Thatcher was no Conservative [she was a reactionary].

In the era before the dismantling of public education, pupils could learn these things, in that era [not just when I went to school] however, there were two exams involving numbers, one was mathematics, the other arithmetic, and the student body knew the distinction ie [a+b=c therefore c=b-a] beautiful, symetrical, lexicology can enslave us, if we allow civil servants [as in MPs] to lecture to us.

Back to made up numbers, made up numbers from self-serving neo-liberal economists, they tell us that China is the second biggest economy in the World [after the USA], this is because they make up the numbers to suit themselves, or in this case just render it in Dollars.

Are you trying to kid yourself there is less economic activity in China than in the US? and don't get me started on India!