Saturday, 27 December 2014

Oxfam Appeal

Watching some rubbish TV and in between they showed an advert with some desolate african people seemingly utterly miserable prominent.

During the course of this advert made by oxfam they asked for some money to fix ebola, now I keep hearing about Austerity Britain, so you know where I am going with this: I have found some savings Oxfam can make to help them africans more -

Well you know what I think of their guilt-inducing shit whilst taking £100k+

Friday, 26 December 2014

Extended Christmas Break

Okay, okay I will have to calm down. Not only is today saturday [when we normally play football] and the last time the Scottish League played a full fixture list was LAST SATURDAY!!! but I just heard on the BBC that the Clubs in Scotland are playing today because Scotland had an 'extended Christmas break'.

On so many fronts can I fuck with this, but the main one is, stop judging us on your bizarre english shit; the day us Scots wish to be judged by English norms, we will remove our critical faculties en masse and all return to the Roman Catholic Church whilst still calling it the Church of Scotland, you fucks!

Sunday, 21 December 2014

Peter Houston

I just wonder one thing: when I google Peter Houston, why do I get pictures of some old Bald bloke, and not the flame haired, red mustachioed man I remember from my youth.

Bring back Houstie Hardcore

Phillip Hughes 63*

Now, if you know me then you will know that I love cricket, but you will also know that am a grumpy cunt, so this brings me on to my current gripe.

The main thing that has annoyed me about all that bullshit surrounding the death of an average batsman from the other side of the world is the tacit acceptance of one of the most flagrant flaunting of the laws of criket ever.

When Phillip Hughes was hit on the head by a cricket ball and rendered incapacitated the umpires rightly marked him as 'retired hurt' and the scorecard reflected this: but a couple of days later Cricket Australia saw a marketing opportunity and changed the scorecard to say he was 63 not out.

Now I know this seems petty when a man is dead, but we cannot do this just when we feel like it. There are Laws of Cricket and either Cricket Australia obeys these laws or they have no credibility, there are ways and means of explaining unusual circumstances so when Bert Vance conceded 77 runs in one over it is explained through footnotes, but the New Zealand board never disregarded the laws of the game to make it nice.

So, Cricket Australia, please change it back, for the integrity of the game.

Otherwise we might as well change N.F.Callaway's only first class score of 207 not out to 207 retired dead due to a serious outbreak of WWI

Saturday, 20 December 2014

Scott Arfield

Yes I did just see Scott Arfield saying that we need Hearts, Hibs & Rangers in the Premier League, now only two can go up, and Scott I suddenly remember that you are from Dechmont and that Falkirk FC has made all the money we can make from you, so go fuck a duck!

We will return

Dumbarton v Falkirk 20th Dec 2014

I was just watching the game between Dumbarton & Falkirk on BBC Alba and they had to have the disgusting cheek to say it was between Dumbarton & [gaelic shit]. The football club "Falkirk FC" cannot be translated, the club is not the town, and the town is not the club. I always prefer to use the Scottis and write Fa'kirk, but never about the fitba club who are 'Falkirk FC'.

You nonsense teuchters can't come down to my part of the country and start renaming my fitba team, else I will get you made part of England, then you will be sorry.

We can overdo this stuff sometimes: but Falkirk FC is a proper noun.

Monday, 15 December 2014

Everything is Easy

In my opinion, there are no difficult moral quandaries, they all solve themself.

You know people do not in general support terrorism, but terrorist groups [when you look at it in depth] generally have a legitimate grievance, often something to do with certain people having no real power at state level. After all, for all that nobody has any support for the tactics that some groups used: we can all see why the ANC were a bit pissed off and, in Northern Ireland we can all understand that we all might do something a bit stupid if we had to live with those rancid Orange fuckers!

But time & time again, although I understand that certain islamic groups have grievances, I never see how they are going to garner the wishy-washy liberal support when your regime is asking us to return to the fucking stone-age, nope, fascism is just not a cause celebre!

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Are we just Fucktards?

This is quite pathetic, Radio 5 Live are fawning over a head clash in the football in a way they never would have over a week ago. Have we raised the level of sportsmen so far as to they are our ubermensch and we are mere fucktards that everything must be analysed when a freak accident occurs: it seems so.

How many people died in the course of their work last week? Why does the media tell us it is really important when it a person who plays a game for a living and not a labourer in a quarry? This bloke was lucky [and don't get me wrong: I love cricket more than I love football] he was paid well to do what he wanted, most people are paid shit to do what they would rather not, but no great ovations for those who go out and work because of the necessity of feeding their families.

Or might I bring up the elephant in the room that he was white & middle-class

Friday, 31 October 2014

The Labour Party in Scotland

Not since the Conservative Party in Canada in 1993 have I witnessed a single party fuck [and I mean fuck] up an easy situation. You had Scotland, and you went Bairist, and the SNP moved into the space you had just vacated.


They tell me jealousy is a sin, if so Lord, I am sinful! The Brazilian football club Corinthians have announced plans to open their own Cemetery, for fans, players and staff.

OMG, What I would give for a Falkirk FC Cemetery, you cannot believe! Jealous? Too fucking damn straight!

Thursday, 30 October 2014

Hear Me Round The World

I was quite disgusted to read in the Falkirk Herald, that because Falkirk FC had come into a bit of money because of the Connor McGrandles transfer, the head of the Falkirk Fans Federation [or whatever] wanted that money to be spent on the first team.

What? Are you an idiot, so you want to spend half a million on a player who may [or may not] score 25 goals a season, instead of promoting a player [from the youth team] who may or may not score 25 goals this season.

Your blinkered [success now, at all cost] thinking is why we went into administration in 1997, we have one of the best youth systems in Scotland, young players come to Falkirk because they know they have an easy route to the first team, because the club does not stand in their way of seeking their living down south], but YOU want to go back to having our team clogged up with oldsters playing out their last years.

If you want our club to go to the shit, then lets spend it on ageing shit, if not lets spend it on sellable players.

My Favourite Elision

I love elision [not because it sounds almost like the things from the Feilds d'Elysee] but I do. Elision is the merging og two sounds in to one, such as I am into Ah'm.

Yes, but I am now talking football. They are not from Stirling, they can kick ass when wanted. ......

My Favourite elision is when we do not pronounce the st twice in East Stirlingshire

Saturday, 25 October 2014

Poppy Fascism

I know this goes against the grain, I know people think [yawn], but it is the time of year again that everyone on TV is wearing a poppy, and it is unquestioned. I will never, ever, wear a poppy. Am I disrespecting those who lost their lives in wars? Of course not, I just don't have to show it on my lapel once a year.

But were I to be important enough to be on TV then God fuck me, I would have to wear it. But I could not. Haig was a butcher of his own men, and I could not wear anything in his name, his Byzantine ideas sent too many people to their deaths on the Western Front, and he got a gong out of it!

Unless you are having a giraffe.

Friday, 24 October 2014


I will not beat about the bush here, in my youth my musical tastes were not only all over the place, but quite often they were bad. Hey we all did it. I liked all manner of shit what was in the charts, I think it developed my Gaydio [I did like them Communards when I was too young to 'get' the subtext].

But I became a teenager with time, and I branched out into yer Heavy Metal, at first it was mainly yer Iron Maiden, but I quickly developed into a thrasher: shit Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax - I was all over it. And let me tell you I loved it, I can remember it clearly now, I was a pure greebo thrasher.

Then for some reason which I no longer remember [I highly suspect alcohol had something to do with my forgetfullness] I ended up at an indie disco at Coasters [not the one you all remember: the one which was held in the bar overlooking the skating rink [back me up on this, please]].

Before this my entire concept of indie was lah-di-dah girly bands [who I love now] and the fact that 'Monkey Gone to Heaven" was top of the indie charts for longer than ever on The Chart Show. That was it.

Anyway, that was that. I am in this place, listening to what I thought was dross [but was probably early Lush [shame on me], and on comes

I was flabbergasted, needless to say I came back the next week [probably in the same tastless Anthrax T-Shirt] and this time they played -

And, as they say, it just went downhill from then on .....

Sunday, 19 October 2014


Yeeeaahhh, today Nigeria will be officially ebola free according to the WHO, as there has been sixty days since the last reported case.

Well I say, thank the fucking lord, they must have got their questionnaires out quick style, to stop it so quickly. And you know I have the full faith in the British authorities [you know those who shook the hand of suspected carriers].

But that is just a bunch of scotch mist anyway, as we know that the Nigerian Government has so much control over their own territory that they would never let 276 of the girls in their state schools just be whisked away, seemingly without a chance of return.

Or maybe I am a cynic.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014


No, wait a minute, I may have been a complete and uttter spaz for the last few years, and I accept that, but I do not remember when having the address of one of Tony Blair's many households in your Versacci Glasses case, became a criminal offence.

No; you tossers, when a chap does something like this, you keep a very, very close eye on him, information in itself is not a crime. Otherwise let us all be damned!

Monday, 13 October 2014

Made up Numbers

So long as the neo-liberal economists are allowed to reign free, we will be enslaved. They tell us this goes up and that goes down, all the time with their made up numbers. Milton Friedman and Margaret Thatcher were a blight upon our collective consciousness, Milton Friedman was no economist [he was a polemicist] and Margaret Thatcher was no Conservative [she was a reactionary].

In the era before the dismantling of public education, pupils could learn these things, in that era [not just when I went to school] however, there were two exams involving numbers, one was mathematics, the other arithmetic, and the student body knew the distinction ie [a+b=c therefore c=b-a] beautiful, symetrical, lexicology can enslave us, if we allow civil servants [as in MPs] to lecture to us.

Back to made up numbers, made up numbers from self-serving neo-liberal economists, they tell us that China is the second biggest economy in the World [after the USA], this is because they make up the numbers to suit themselves, or in this case just render it in Dollars.

Are you trying to kid yourself there is less economic activity in China than in the US? and don't get me started on India!

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Working Classes

Well, I was listening to the radio today [no surprise there for a chap without a telly] and I heard a person say that "working class people are no longer respected", well I hate to tell you, don't get out of your fifties myth, it is in your own head.

People who are in powerful positions tell Working Class people that they are respected in order that they shut up, nothing more-nothing less. Nobody apart from the working class ever respected the working class.

Now, get over your self-righteousness and either work or break something.

Today's polemic is now over

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Scottish Referendum 2014

I have taken nearly a week to mull this over [and I will say I am dissapointed in the 55%], but it is over for the moment. I was especially disappointed in the electorate of Falkirk for their choice. Look, I never thought it would be better under self-rule, I never thought it would be worse, I thought it would be better if we took some responsibility upon ourselves instead of blaming it on London, or Westminster, or whatever. No matter what it would have been way more interesting than the hum-drum we have returned to, but the people were not up for it, so ....

First things first, when we chose we knew about politicians, that they are liars, within hours of the result coming in the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland was changing the terms of the so-called 'cast-iron' promise he had made a week before; at first it was 'if you vote no we will put in train Devo Max", now it is "we can't devolve more power to Scotland without resolving the English Question". No, you squirming fat little git who does not deserve your Scottish name, put in motion your promise!! By all means fix the problem of assymetrical devolution in the UK especially when it comes to England, but do not shirk on your promise [and do not forget that Scotland voted in 1997 for devolution, and that through the Scotland Office there was already an infrastructure for the Scottish Executive to assume the controls, whereas when the North-East were given the opportunity for an elected assembly assuming the power [plus more] of their Regional Development Authority [remember plus more powers] the people of Tyne-Tees said no by 78% to 22%, so that would need a new referendum].

If not regionalisation in England, then surely you will have to strip the powers from the London Assembly [or vice versa dissallow London MPs to vote on matters over which the London Assembly have power, yet MPs in Wiltshire [or even the Orkneys do not], you see the can of worms you are opening. Constitutional matters cannot be done on the "back of a fag packet". As much as this saddens me, If we are going to correct the current constitutional imbalance then I agree with Milliband, it needs a Constitutional Convention to work out all the ramifications of all, the shifts in power. Hey Spain did it in 1978: they agreed that certain things were available for the provinces to do for themselves, but that they would only be transferred from the centre when the province, the centre & the Constitutional Court agreed it was both feasible and relevant. So you have about twenty different provinces with about twenty different levels of autonomous competence. Everything else is done from Madrid.

So, all I can say now, is that the majority of those who voted no will be deid in twenty years [as might I] and you will not hold back the tide, by thinking "what aboot ma pension!"

Sunday, 14 September 2014

Certain Chanels only sell themselves by talking incessantly about the English Premier League

Okay, from what I am hearing on the radio [personalities & chanels will remain nameless] Manchester Untied have a problem in replacing the holes in their team left by senior players moving elsewhere [be it to another club or retirement], yes well, I did not need a pundit to inform me of the bleeding obvious.

However, by concentrating on Manchester Untied it highlights the other bleeding obvious: that when Manchester Untied sign a player, it causes a hole in another team, who then have to plug that hole, and I know clubs are often recompensed with a transfer fee, but money does not instantly create a brand new holding midfielder [or whatever], to suddenly fill that gap. What happens, is that the selling club goes out to look for a replacement, and when they sign one, another club loses a player, but them wee clubs ain't sexy, so no media specials on their search for a holding midfielder [or whatever].

This also belies the fact that when Manchester Untied [or whoever] buy a player from Blyth Spartans [or whoever], everyone knows that Blyth Spartans [or whoever] have just recieved a windfall, so up their prices. I am sorry, the problems that affect the big clubs also affect the wee clubs, if it was not this way, the mighty biter Luis Suarez would still be playing with his local club in Uruguay.

And when I am on the point of broadcasters & Manchester Untied [or whoever], the G in the Dutch language is pronounced as a voiced velar fricative [sorry for the Phonetic Speak], not as a voiced velar plosive, oh, and his first name is NOT the same name as Louis Armstrong. Just saying!

Saturday, 2 August 2014

Sanity in the WWI

In the current atmosphere of nostalgia about the war of 1914-1919 I was lucky to come across a couple of articles in the paper about an East Stirlingshire footballer who was unwillingly involved in that foolish venture, but as far as I am concerned, for the good.

You see the footballer in question thought he was perfectly fine in his life as a professional footballer, and preferred that career path to being shot at and bombarded on the Somme [a feeling with which I fully concur], so when he got the letter through his door requesting his presence at Stirling Castle to join up with local branch of the Argyll and Sutherlands he duly ignored it.

Falkirk Herald - Sat May 26th 1917

"James Logan, the King's Park and East Stirlingshire left-winger [sic], was at Stirling on Monday fined 40s for failing to appear at Stirling Castle when called up under the Military Service Act. He was handed over to the military authorities. Logan stated that he was a conscientious objector."

Too right, James, I am totally with you, but the state, as ever, never looks at things in a sane and rational manner as I do.

Falkirk Herald - Sat June 23rd 1917

"James Logan, printer, who was a left-winger of the King's Park and East Stirlingshire football clubs .... recieved sentences, pronounced before a military parade at Stirling. Logan was sentenced to 168 days imprisonment, with hard labour, in Wormwood Scrubs Prison, London, for refusing an order by his superior officers to put on army boots ..."

Now, that is just overkill, and the waste of petrol to take a chap to London when there was a war on was frankly stupid and self-defeating. Mind you, I still say damn right, I'd rather take my chances trying to avoid the amorous advances of my fellow inmates, in order to avoid the advances of the German Infantry, shell-fire, and machine-gun batteries. In case anybody wonders, the front line during WWI was a seriously dangerous place to be if you were a regular squadie, and I would have done my best to avoid it. I am not claiming the higher moral ground; for me it is about half self-preservation, half cowardice. But better a living coward than a dead hero! ;)

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Anglo-Indians/Stuart Binny

I am absolutely fascinated by the concept of anglo-indians: those people of [ahem] english origin who, to use the horrible term 'went native', and chose India as their home. Very little is made of it in comparison to those who chose the US, Canada, New Zealand, Australia & South Africa. But they exist, even though they are somewhat smothered within the entire population of India.

This was drawn to my attention by the fact that the current India all-rounder in the Test series against England is one Stuart Binny (okay, I let the surname spelling go). But if ever a cricketer should be playing for Scotland, it is he - and I would also like redress on the term "anglo-indian".

Monday, 7 July 2014


When it comes to the English National Cricket team, I will admit I am firmly in the KP camp.

If it is a choice between the two, England can select any opener to get out for twelve after choosing to bat, KP [okay not always, sometimes he gets out stupidly for not many runs] can knock the other team into next week.

Cook can not.

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Sunday: BBC Radio 4 - 6th July 2014

This morning on "Sunday" the spokeswoman for the United Reform Church spoke in a manner not often heard from ecclesiastical people.

She spoke eloquently about how their wish to be open to new members [in this case gay peoples] might alienate other members of the church who are not so open.

But she was very frank about the difficulties of the Church in keeping both, and it was not as simple as ticking a box.

If more religious leaders were like this and not so lecturing, I would have a lot more respect for more religious leaders.

Sunday, 22 June 2014


I was somewhat taken aback by the revelation that Poland [in concert with the German Government] took advantage of the German annexation of the Sudetenland to annex Carpathia at the same time, for some reason we are taught in school that Poland are ever the victims, never the aggressors in the mid 20th Century, but not so it seems. Long before the Brest-Litovsk Treaty, Poland was well happy enough to deal with Germany for the partition of Cheko-Slovakia.

Yes they paid for it in the end, but remember that pre-WWII there was East Prussia, part of Germany, the other side of the Danzig Corridor, which is now modern day Poland. If you take in mind the expulsion of the German speakers from Prussia; today this would be called Ethnic Cleansing, but the Poles are nice as they tell us in school.


Ah, it is a great word: Blackwash. It refers to the West Indies team of 1984 who beat England 5-0 in five tests and none of them were close. To understand it all you have to go back to the Windies tour of Australia 1975/76, when Lillee & Thomson right royally screwed a Windies team still playing by the MCC Handbook [two fast bowlers, a medium pacer & a spinner, with a bits & peices player if needed]; after that debacle, according to legend Clive Lloyd [the Captain] said something akin to "F**k this for giggles" from now on we are going to have four very fast, generally tall, bowlers, they are going to intimidate the batsmen [when Viv Richards is not intimidating their bowlers].

The establishment did that 'not cricket' thing, but the Windies steamrollered them on the field of play. If I am reborn, I hope it is in the 1970s in the Windies ......

Graeme 'Foxy' Fowler said upon questions of whether he was good enough to open for England v the Windies - "I'm not sure I am". He was one of the best England had, he just knew how good they were.

Saturday, 21 June 2014


am listening to Richard Bird on batting, he says most important is yer feet, no Dickie, I disagree is yer off-stump.

A Copa do Mundo No Brasil 2014 II

I never knew the World Cup could become so interesting after the early exit of the Representatives of the FA. Do not get me wrong, I am never anti-English sporting sides, I might be bitter, twisted & fickle, but hey, I care as much about football outside Stirlingshire as I do about the East Sussex/West Sussex Netball rivalry, I appreciate that it exists, but .... what the fuck do you want me to do about it.

English media is my problem, yes I am lapping up the schadenfreude just now, but generally it is ridiculous. Yes you have one of the best leagues in the World, but that is not simply to do with the importation of Foreign talent [though that does count]. The reason England is not as good as their fans wish is not to with foreigners, it is because English players are not good enough [we got that in Scotland a while ago] if your players were good enough, you would not import talent, just get over this fact, and until your football clubs decide upon progession in place of success you will continue to import talent.

But it is really fantastic to listen to such bone-headed notions from the great unwashed such as they are paid too much thus they no longer care about the shirt [they have no pride]: whilst ignoring the fact that Suarez of Uruguay [who effectively removed England from the World Cup] is paid approximately a quarter of a million pounds [after tax] per week yet Liverpool [his club] is in England, and he doesn't seem to let the money phase him.

Maybe it is an English thing?

Friday, 20 June 2014

A Copa Do Mundo No Brasil 2014

I am going to get the first thing off my chest first: I am not really sure if the BBC have quite enough people, enough boots on the ground, in Brasil, I mean, very good back up play by BBC Radio 4's Women's Hour to send Jane Garvey in reserve [I am sure the fact that she is married to Adrian Chiles has nothing to do with it]. I don't think there are enough bodies from Radio 3 there, and the beeb ought be ashamed for this oversight. Come on, taxpayers do not hand over their cash to have people in London.

The recurring theme of this World Cup by the muppets [oops pundits] seems to be if you took out [insert three World class players] from [insert country]'s side then they would be quite ordinary: Yes, but why would they leave out their best players? And had they left out their best players, do you not think they may not have qualified for the Competition? Of course if you omit the special, you are left with the ordinary, do not tell me that, because the best players ARE playing [as England found out last night].

This and the fact that it is a wholly media managed event which ignores the protests which are purposely kept away from the stadia by a police force which has no good reputation, thus ignored by the big news organisations: shame on you BBC, chasing ratings over news. Leave the ground, look at the turmoil on the streets and not at the inside of your luxury coach between stadium/hotel/media centre.

                             ORDEM E PROGRESSO?

I still do not understand why I should give a fuck about Ecuador v Columbia.

Wednesday, 11 June 2014


You know, it could be acceptable if those capitalist fucks, said something like "if we do not like your form of Government, we will not conduct trade with you", for those countries who are not nice, but then they turn round & kiss the feet of china & saudi arabia, so you can tell they only chase the money.

Saturday, 7 June 2014

TV Licensing peoples

Since I moved into the People's Socialistic Independent Republic of My Flat [Revolutionary] I have been recieving letters from the TV Licensing peoples mostly they started with "We have noted that you do not have a TV Licence at this address, blah". I looked at them, then discarded.

Then they got a bit more threatening, "if you do not pay up we will send a bloke round" [I paraphrase], ooh, I'm scared.... at the same time as this, they also said if I did not have a TV they would send a bloke round to check: erm, so if I do something you send a bloke round, if I do nothing you send a bloke round ... you'll never guess I opted for the doing nothing.

Now I am getting letters saying they are going to take me to court [more fool them] but they now send me letters [now with red ink, gasp] saying "This is what to expect in court" 1) you can appoint a lawyer to represent you 2) if your property still needs a TV Licence, you still need to buy one.

Umm whit??????? They are what I should expect in court? not like judges & formality & shit? Not jurisprudence, no I can expect the ability to appoint a lawyer, and in the highly unlikely position that I may lose buying a TV licence...... FFS.

On the first hand do not be stupid wasting time, effort & money in taking this to court, you will lose. Two, there is no Television in the People's Socialistic Independent Republic of My Flat [Revolutionary], this is not some kind of ethical standpoint, I just really like Radio.

Friday, 6 June 2014


So, because it is 70 years ago, so I am meant to fall in line and applaud our rich people [Winston Churchill] telling our poor working classes to go and shoot at their working classes? Is them having a fucking larff??

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Open Letter to President Obama

President Obama, after hearing you painfully worded response to the question on Scottish Independence, I hereby ask you to keep the fuck out of this. Externally, the US looked good in the 50s, although some people might have raised questions.

the callow attempt to erase the past

Oh my dear petit bourgeois ..... you did something a while ago, and it went on one of your soshul meeja accounts, or someone else's, and now you are older and now regret it. But whenever anyone searches your name up it pops. Oh, my god!, you were a spanner as a teenager! Because you were the only one!

Shut up you whining little idiots! Do not blame google for your own actions! Face up to the truth, you did it, you posted it, whatever. There are a lot of things about me out there on the internet which sometimes I would rather other people never knew about, but …. you know, they are fact, I said/did/posted it, meh!

Besides removing things from the google index was a ruling of the EU, so does not affect search engines elsewhere, if you want to know about somebody's murky past just use Duckduckgo, Yandex or Baidu.

On things I would rather not be in google try this

Meh! It was a long time ago! I will not deny that it happened though!

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Tesco - Capitalism Red in Tooth & Claw

So, yesterday, I heard all over Radio 4, a version of the lovely "What do we do about Maria?" except for Tesco .... Erm, Tesco is still there, and if people cared they would still go .... I went yesterday, as did many others who wished to do their shopping.

Umm, Tesco profits were down 4% on the previous quarter, the shareholders might not like it, but some people shopped otherwhere, this is not a crisis for the BBC on their news, they still made vast profits on the three months.

PM - Stop asking middle class tossers about whether or not they want 'Market Lanes" and stick to the numbers .... vast profit less 4% is still a vast profit.

Friday, 23 May 2014

Melt-Banana - Mono - Glasgow - 22nd May 2014

Well, I am not going to say that I can now die happy that I have seen Melt-Banana [I will still die a miserable tosser] but I am relieves to have been able to see them. Melt-Banana, are not that kind of band, to quite understate the FACT, Melt-Banana are not everyone's cup of tea.

pic stolen from Michael Briggs' instagram [I like this pic]

I do not really know how to describe the band except in occasional adjectives: noisy; alternative; reclusive; talented; Japanese. That sort of sums them up. And if you do not get an idea of them from that, then you probably listen to very different music than I [which seems to be a lot of people].

I first came across the band trying to find Machinguru [but that is for a whole different Japanese movie conversation] on the web, and somebody had made a Melt-Banana v Machinguru mash-up for youtube, I was smited! This band will never be huge, unless you take their massive US following into account, but you get the feeling that if they wanted to be huge they might be doing something else. For a start their website might have moved from the Japanese version of geocities [which amazingly is still going].

Mono is a great venue for bands with no pretensions to mega-stardom, intimate, and suited Melt-Banana just fine. The band themselves were very good, musically very tight [god knows how they do it with the stoppy, starty, change of pace nature of their music? practice I suppose] they stuck to their 2-3 minute songs for the most part, so you get plenty of songs for the hour long set, and played all of their "hits" [ahem!], apart, sadly, from RRaGG [which is my own favourite], but you can't have everything. Most of the set was built around the best tunes on Bambi's Dilemma [but it is a masterpiece after all].

All in all, if it were not for weedgie stagediver [do you know which Century this is you wanker?] fucking up their amps for about five minutes it would have been flawless [in a Melt-Banana sense of course], everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and this is the main thing. Just one piece of advice to the Glasgow commoner [and that is a lot of Glasgow!], there is no need for you to bring all your worldly belongings to an intimate gig in a wee venue, then put it in a rucksack, then wear said rucksack throughout the set! Now I know I am well behind the latest Weedgie trends, but please kill this one dead!

Thursday, 15 May 2014

You and Yours 15th May 2014

Now You and Yours is going on about Tesco Metro selling sandwiches in London [no shit from Radio London] but, erm did I miss something.

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Kelly Cates - Radio Five Live 606

Now I am not a person to be against a female football presenter, FFS I hate the blokes, so anyone else is welcome. But Kelly Cates, your incessant giggling at anything Ian Wright says lessens your role, now if he was funny I could see it, but he is not.

Friday, 9 May 2014

BBC Radio 4 - Ukraine - Week Starting 5th May 2014

I have been hearing throughout this week about the machinations between Putin & NATO about the situation in the East of Ukraine. He did this, he didn't to that, blah, blah, blah. But throughout it all I have heard the same refrain.

On the idea that the people in the East of Ukraine might hold a referendum on their own future, the BBC have repeatedly said "such a Referendum would be illegal" or "an illegal referendum" and words to such effect.

This is insidious journalistic bias, a referendum in itself is never illegal [unless there is a specific law on referendums], it simply has no legal status, therefore is not legally binding. These are two different things: and even if it were, it would be called a plebiscite.

BBC, do your job, report the news. Do not give your twopennethworth on those news, do not opine, say "they intend to hold a referendum", then possibly add that the Ukrainian Government does not need to pay heed to it.

Monday, 5 May 2014

Food Programme Awards 2014 - BBC Radio 4 05/05/2014

Yes, I know Sheila Dillon that you did not seek common oiks for you ridiculous programme: wherein upper middle class people complain that food is generally so common these days that you have to travel to find different types of cuisine from around the World.

Now ... I can be quite stupid, but do you not think that people on the Minimum Wage would prefer to eat better food, and might also be willing to travel to sample some of it were it not that they were simply trying to have food [End of]!

However, there is a common oik who listens to Radio 4, and is disgusted at the way you talk about food! You only have you lovely lifestyle due to the Industrial Revolution and the Land Enclosures which forced people into the cities to take minimal wages from where they had do buy the food which offered best value, the "Dark, Satanic Mills" were never a place to breed a nation of gourmands.

Get over yourself, I would have died on a diet of Chorizo, Salami & fine red wine several years ago were it possible on my income, you live in Ivory Towers. When people have enough spare cash, and time, to travel and eat good food then they will, until then, you will continue to make your living from the toil of the ordinary people!

I think I put across how much I dislike this programme here, and today's one hour 'special' tipped me over the edge!

Friday, 2 May 2014

Edwin Muir, Scottish Journey, 1935

"As I neared Stirling I could see on my right a cloud of dense darkness, which showed where Falkirk lay around its furnaces. I decided I had seen enough of this ravaged country, and as I drove into Stirling with its bright, solid country town air, I felt as if I had been wandering in a strange World and was back again in the Scotland I knew."

Oops, sorry Edwin for the audacity of people to make stuff for a job, in Scotland of all places! Clearly this will never happen again.

Didn't mind it when Falkirk was making arms and explosives for the War soon to come though .....

Monday, 28 April 2014

Line in the Sand

No! how dare you? No, How fucking dare you? I am sorry that you were sexually assaulted but it happens in a country without morals, Your concept that you were wronged by the court is incorrerrect on two fundamental points - Jurisprudence is not here to serve you, and there is no such thing as justice.

Monday, 14 April 2014


It has been so long since I read a book by Mags Atwood, she is my Fave author, I kinda love her! heh!

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Danny Baker - 12th April 2014

On Saturday morning Danny Baker, normally a fine wordsmith, referred to Alarm fans as "tonsurial" whereas I think he might have meant "folk with weird hair", as tonsurial has a specific meaning, which I find difficult to apply to folk who like "The alarm".

Tonsure is either a bald spot on the back of your head, or the bit Monks shave on the back of the head, hrrrm!

Aye, oops, he might have said tonsorial! I am admonished ...

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Listen Against

When I don't listen to Radio 4, I generally listen to Radio 4 Extra (I know, I should say I listen to the World service, but that would be a lie) so am now loving the repeats of Listen Against with Alice and Jon.

Gardeners Existentialist Question Time was so very good!

Monday, 31 March 2014

Victor Gollancz & George Orwell

Was listening to Radio 4 the other day [no surprise there] and they played a piece on Victor Gollancz as a publisher. Now some of you may know Gollancz, some of you will not. He was Orwell's publisher.

However Gollancz was a card carrying Communist and Orwell was ... not.

When it came to the publication of Animal Farm, Victor turned it down [according to some on orders of the CP] so Arthur Eric Blair had to find another publisher, Secker & Warburg. It is a sad admission that the left are always too busy infighting to face the true fight, that of inequality.

It is sad, because Victor Gollancz published books by many an obscure lefty in his 'Left Book Club' at his own cost, but his sectarian cleaving to a singular party meant he missed one of the best lefty books of all time.

We, the left, are singularly fucked up, since we are forever in an internecine fight about this and that, and never concentrating on the defeat of the right.

Friday, 14 March 2014

Howling Jingoes

I like to read a load of lefty [I like to say izquierdista] old tosh, not the dry stuff about historical empiricism or  materialism in any of its forms. I like ideas, I guess there is a romantic in me somewhere :/. So this week I have been reading "Socialism since 1899" by James D Young [he was from Falkirk you know, wrote a book on C.L.R.James], the book is mainly biographies of socialist thinkers, but the good thing is that it has a strong emphasis on those before the the Third International [the Comintern] imposed Bolshevik Discipline and snuffed out many of the different [often contradictory] strands which added lustre to the Second International [which was brilliantly flawed through its diversity] which sadly was torn apart in the magnifying glass of the First World War.

I was looking for more insight into Antonio Gramsci in particular, but was caught by the disparate attitudes of early socialists in their attempts to reconcile internal conflicts as to the different facets of the struggle, and in particular by James Connolly's [today unthinkable] merging of the Secular Socialism and Irish Nationalism, this would have been impossible in the later discipline of "The Left", and is strange since Connolly, born and raised in Edinburgh, would have mixed with the Scottish Left and their blind hatred of religion.

There is no satisfactory explanation forthcoming, James Connolly just seems to have believed in both, and got round it. But since the closest he came to explaining it came in my home town, I will pass on the words of  Tom Bell who was a friend and colleague in the Independent Labour Party -

"I remember challenging him one day, after a meeting at Falkirk Cross when the question was hotly debated by some orangemen who were in the crowd, and asking him how he could reconcile being a Catholic and an exponent of the materialist conception of history. His reply was that in Dublin the children who go to Catholic school invariably turn out to be rebels but if they are brought up in the Presbyterian Church they turn out to be howling jingoes. To me this was not a convincing argument, but it was left at that."

This is by far a better way off talking than any critique of the inherent flaws of the status quo [or whatever], and he was a Wobbly!

Friday, 7 March 2014

PM - Friday 7th March 2014

I do really like PM, I think Eddie Mair is great at it! But where does BBC Radio 4 get the legitimacy to hound the met about their [admited] failings years ago? I listen to BBC Radio 4 every day, and the closest you ever get to a minority voice [outside Peter White] is the occasional 11:30 programme about ethnic issues, here one day [to salve the middle class consciousness] gone the next. BBC Radio 4 is about the most Middle-Class, White, London-centric which could be described as "Establishment"

Beware your hectoring, The Met failed: we knew that, as much as we know BBC Radio 4 failed.

You and Yours - Every Weekday BBC Radio 4

This is the most blatant consumer programme for gullible upper middle-class idiots who deserve to come under the label of "a fool and their money are soon parted" therefor I find it very hard to feel sympathy, and am often in tears of laughter when not so incrdibly annoyed.

So far this week we have had people who have complained about overcharging on their "cosmetic" dentistry, so it was unneccessary and for your vanity, unneccessaray dentistry seems like a bad way to spend your money, perhaps you ought to have asked the dentist what 'exactly' he/she intended to do with your teeth, and what the intended outcome was.

We have had people had a fashion expert selling the new "fashion" of "normcore" where people wear clothes we already wear, presumably while paying over the odds for those clothes: this the day after interviewing Karl Lagerfeld on his opinion that ladies should dress up to go to the supermarket, varying their style depending upon which Supermarket!

I have heard some annoying wife bemoaning that Railtrack prostrate themselves as some idiots have died through crossing railway lines: note to self, if I die on a really dangerous thing, with huge fast dangerous metal things, it is clearly my fault [I think I can see a line in suing them for my family].

We have had the sickening presenters accusing food retailers of forcing us to eat more sugar than is safe, by selling things with a lot of sugar, never questioning those who buy the products.

And those who complained about a website charged them money for their child's idiocy ... if the child had no access to your bank account, they would not have been able to spend your money, your fault!!!!

Then a peice upon why they like to travel down to Cornwall of a Friday to buy the fish they like, as it is "soo better than that in the supermarket", you have to pay a bit more, as it is worth it: yes, we can all just bugger off to Cornwall of a Friday to spend our money on the finest fish, it is so simple. [This reminds me of the time I heard "The Food Programme" criticising people in Scotland for eating fish & chips, when we have such great fish in our own country: as we know the best fish is 'always' available at knockdown prices on the High Street]

You and yours - there is an ancient Latin saying "Caveat Emptor" - Those who actively chase avaricedeserve what they get.

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Ukraine - on the BBC

On Radio 4 there has been a lot of blah, blah, blah, especially from John Simpson about Ukraine, here are the Facts, the USA do not want to do anything, the EU can't do anything, Russia have already done something

Monday, 3 March 2014

PM -Report by Joshua Rosenberg

This man started his report by stating you could not believe what is going on here, oh yes I could!

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Vent - Radio 4 Extra

Of late I have a lot of time for "Vent" a not incredibly laugh out lot comedy on Radio 4 Extra about a man in a coma starring Neil Pearson [well, in the second season he is recovering from a coma]. Like I say, it is not 'laugh out loud' comedy, but comas rarely are. But laugh out loud I did last night when I heard the following:

"You are the ugliest person I have never slapped!" - "You have never sla-"

Hey, I never said it was funny, just that I laughed.

Broadcasting House - Interview with Peter Hitchens

What did I do in a previous life? Why must I be subjected to the inane ramblings of Peter "I am not a racist, but ..." Hitchens on Radio 4 of a Sunday morning? Why are such people given the oxygen of publicity.

Peter Hitchens [why are you such an abject loser when compared to your brother?] was invited onto BH to waffle on about his thoughts on Nigel Farage's claims that "felt uncomfortable" travelling on a train as he did not hear the people speaking english. Peter duly backed it up, by claiming that people in a country ought fall into line and only speak the language of the majority.

Ahem, Nigel & Peter, what kind of weirdo perverts are you that you travel about on trains eavesdropping on other peoples' conversations? Why do you not mind your own fucking business? I am allowed the right of free speech in this country, meaning I can speak English, Farsee or gibberish, when and if I want. Peter also proclaimed that enghlish was the language of the country.

You are so wrong, Peter, English is the language of the English "people" not the country, they "the english people" choose to speak it, they do not need to be hectored by you. You need to go back to your Marxist roots .....

Saturday, 1 March 2014

This Week in Parliament - Saturday 1st March 2014

Now I guess I am about the only one to stick his head above the parapet on this, and I guess I am pretty stupid doing so, but that is me. I never think about the consequences, I pretty much make up my mind then say it, so let us not change things because societal moods have changed.

This week has seen several members of the Labour Party struggle to distance themselves from a part of the civil rights movement about which they were not comfortable, okay. But you are denying a voice to people: I was brought up with the concept that human rights are UNIVERSAL and that civil liberties ought be INVIOLABLE.

Now, I am not into their thing [but that is irrelevant] but we all are allowed to voice our opinion, and some of the most unpalatable lines of thought have become mainstream in the long term. All the time this ignores the fact that if you can not differentiate peodophilia from pederasty you are a shallow person who might need to read some more before you vent an opinion.

Friday, 28 February 2014

Today - Report by Jim Naughtie

My faith in humanity was boosted yesterday by the announcement that the three parties down south telling Scotland that they are against sharing the pound was reflected by a jump in the polls for the yes vote. Now I don't want to tell you how to think about this, as I am irrelevant, but it is always nice to see the best laid plans of mice and men backfiring.

Seldom come these little victories over those with power, but I always knew that the most crucial element in this referendum would be the attitude of South-East England: if they take up a hectoring stance, they are likely to fail; of they merely observe they are more likely to succeed.

We Scots are a fickle lot, we hate to be ignored or overlooked, but never tell us what to do, unless you are using reverse psychology. In any case it is quite a fascinating tussle, when you look through the lies and bluster from both sides.

Mind you, I like the lies, I like it when Gideon states that Scotland can't keep the pound [which is a fully convertible, international currency so he really has no say]. Then he says it would be unworkable for the UK to have a currency union with another economy [completely ignoring the FACT that the UK is already in a currency union with the Isle of Man] and that the Irish Punt was pegged to Sterling until 1978.

All in all, this was never going to be about the nitty-gritty details, it is about a reversal of history [read EspaƱa Invertebrada to have that fully explained by a bloke than me], when empires no longer expand, they tend to contract!

Either way the vote goes life will go on and I will still be on the same piece of ground [unless I die] and it will make little impact on my little life .....

Susan Rae on Radio Four Extra

I am not always grumpy, sometimes I like things, here is the thing I like now. Susan Rae is wasted on Radio Four, she is brilliant on Radio Four Extra.

"My name is Susan Rae, and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" 11th June 2013

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Our Word is Our Weapon

I am currently about a third of the way through "Our Word is Our Weapon" selected writings of Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos. This fascinating book [well its not really a 'book' it is more an anthology of the statements of the EZLN the the words of "El Sup"]. Now I am in no place to judge the rights and wrongs of a group of downtrodden indigenous peoples in the South-East of Mexico who took all the abuse of the Mexican state until eventually they said to themselves "Enough is Enough"; but Subcomandante Marcos says it well enough for me to say ¡Basta Ya!

I have grown cynical in my old age, and for that I should be ashamed, I really should have the belief that I once had, but I am close to the belief that when the EZLN are no longer necessary they will melt away into the background. But I am not here to judge the future, this post is about the words attributed to El Sup!

His words seem to come from the heart, the comparisons made with "El Che" are erroneous, they are simply way off: the works of Ernesto Guevara de la Serna are are brilliant, groundbreaking, but they are overall 'analytical', they are about means and ends, the words of Marcos are of soulsearching, they are of a lyricist who has found the strength and dignity to stand up straight and demand what he sees to be right.

This post is not a polemic, I know where I stand on the Zapatista cause, this post is about a collection of words, those words are polemic, but they are also beautiful, dignified and rebellious, they look their oppressors in the eye and say

"There is no place for us in the World of the Powerful"

Monday, 24 February 2014

A Point of View - Roger Scruton

I am a bit of a fan of "A Point of View" on Radio 4, yes I don't always agree and sometimes I don't even get what they are on about, but the presenters are usually cogent and make their points interestingly. But I do not think I have ever been infuriated by the programme before last week's edition presented by Roger Scruton. Admittedly I had never heard of this bloke before and there is a reason for this, the reason being that I prefer to listen to people who do not talk out of their own arse.

I looked him up online and it seems he is some kind of philosopher [we all know what that means] yet the basis of his 'point of view' seemed to be that it was unfair that he as an Englishman had no say in the referendum on the future of Scotland. This was unfair as Scotland [according to Mr Scruton] controls the Labour party and therefore controls the balance of power in the Wesminster Parliament by proxy, whilst at the same time runs its own affairs up here.

Hey, Mr Scruton, learn how to count! Please count the numbers of MP elected to Westminster, then subtract those elected to represent Scottish Constituencies, then subtract those who represent the Labour party, then grow up you infantile little man. If Scotland exerted so much influence over the rest of the UK, a lot more investment would take place up here and not in the South-East which is already benefiting more than the rest of the UK anyway.

Oh and the reason that you have no say in the referendum is relatively simple [I would have thought a 'philosopher' might have used his brain a little]: The reason being that it has absolutely nothing to do with you, now bugger off and get back to voting for UKIP, you little man!

Saturday, 22 February 2014

Fernand Braudel - "The Identity of France"

I am currently trying to read a book, it is called "The Identity of France" written by Fernand Braudel. I say trying to read because it is a hugely turgid, abysmal tome, written by a Frenchman trying to convince the reader that France is in some way 'special'.

The very first chapter starts by stating "France is Diversity", and as if people were meant to be shocked that France is not a homogeneous beast, he goes on to proclaim that France is even more diverse than any other country in the world. Now here is the problem: all countries are diverse [with the possible exception of the Faroe Islands [and I'm not sure that still applies]] and they are all diverse in their own way [even little ole Scotland here is diverse [we Bairns are not even the same species as fifers]. To claim France is the most diverse is simply drivel.

I have read many histories of many countries, all claim diversity as part of the make up of the state, I have seen stark differences in Spain and Italy with my own eyes. However those books gave examples and explanations, not so Mishoo Braudel, he simply states it as fact. I am not disputing the diversity of France, to compare Ipparalde to Alsace or Paris would be folly, but it needs to be explained to the reader.

The book [I am about three quarters of the way through] has so far explained so far that France's Identity is defined by "regional differences"; a dispute between central & devolved power/government; internal travel difficulties [eased with the development of roads]; patterns if internal and external migration/immigration/emigration; and its dealings/wars/trade with its neighbouring countries. That applies to virtually every country in the world! He has not written about France, he has written about the development of the state since the resolutions come to by the Treaty of Ribe over the Schleswig-Holstein Question. But I digress.

If you want to read about France, there are much better books out there, they make a point, they get to the point, and they don't just say "I am a professor, listen to me blow my own trumpet!"